Bumble F*ck is now Bumble Biz

From the start, Bumble always presented itself as the escort to Tinder’s hooker. It was a high-class alternative to online hookups, and its key component was that after a match, the girl had to message the guy first. I’m guessing this was to limit the endless harassment and dick picks I’m sure girls receive regularly. Well now Bumble is making the big leap from high-class to straight elite with its new venture, BumbleBiz.

BumbleBiz wants you to find your next job through their app, and honestly, I’m all for it. What purpose do dating apps really serve? It allows people to lower their standards and cut right to the chase. I’m guessing everyone would prefer to bang someone they actually meet in person and potentially like, but everyone falters now and again, and what better way to get back on your feet than a slam dunk that requires little more effort than reaching across your bed and unplugging your IPhone from the wall.

That model honestly couldn’t fit better for job hunting. Nobody wants to find a job, and nobody wants to work, just like nobody wants to f*ck some weirdo off Bumble. But just like the guy who needs to get his rocks off somehow, everyone eventually needs to find a job. So why bother forcing yourself into a suit, slapping a smile onto your face and wasting money on printing your resume at the local Kinko’s when you could just swipe right endlessly on jobs until some company desperate enough for an employee takes a chance on you? This seems too obvious not to already be a thing, and I commend Bumble for their innovation. I have about 25 friends losing their minds over finding a job to support their alcoholism, and I guarantee the prospect of finding their first job on Bumble would get them higher than any pills from their mom’s medicine cabinet.

Now that Bumble finds me – my girlfriend, and my job, I might begin relying on Bumble for just about everything. Hopefully they can let me know what I want for dinner tonight and where to meet my best friend. Until then though, I’m satisfied with Bumble providing me with my life’s income.

Photo Credit: TechCrunch