New Pill Will Let Everyone Enjoy Gluten

Soon everyone will be able to enjoy gluten.

5 of life’s greatest pleasures, listed in order of importance, are as follows:

1. Pizza
2. Pasta
3. Doughnuts
4. Pizza again
5. Pizza a third time

*Honorable mention to my main squeeze, McDonald’s, whose menu is 90% gluten and 10% everything that has ever mattered most to me in my life.


My heart aches for the poor souls that are unable to enjoy gluten.  But I have amazing news for my celiac comrades.  Scientists at the University of Alberta are developing a pill that will let the gluten-free enjoy as many trips to the Olive Garden as our intolerant little intestines can handle.

Hoon Sunwoon, associate professor in the Faculty of Pharmacy and Pharmaceutical Sciences at the university, says she developed the pill for her friend.  Sunwoon told the CBC, “My friend is celiac.  We haven’t had any entertaining with beers.  So that’s why I developed this pill- for my friend.”

Like I always say, you know your friendship is strong when your bestie revolutionizes medicinal science so she can enjoy a cold brew with you.


Oh, Ryan, you’re too sweet.

The pill is made from chicken egg yolk antibodies that bind to gluten in the stomach.  This protects the small intestines from damage and pain.  Celiac-sufferers can take this pill five minutes before indulging and it will last up to two hours.

While this does sound like a miracle drug, Hoon Sunwoon wants to remind us that people with gluten allergies should still keep a predominantly gluten-free diet.  The pill is for occasional indulgences.  You know, like this one:


The drug is still being developed, but it is scheduled to trial within this year.  When that day arrives, I will be taking all of you out for pizza.  My treat.  As long as you pay for half.

How excited are you for this pill to hit the shelves?  Let us know on Twitter at @StarterNoise using the hashtag #glutengoals.


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