Awkwardness is a part of life. In my case, it might just be the largest part of my life next to sleeping and constantly worrying about the specter of my own mortality. From birth to around the age of twelve, this is not something you typically need to worry about. Children don’t give a shit about being awkward, they are too busy eating paste like the damn champions they are. Similarly, once you cross the threshold into your forties, your Give-a-Damn wears out and you’re totally content to wear ratty t-shirts in public and carry a flashlight into dimly lit restaurants. But the years between? My God, it’s a minefield.
But never fear, my graceless wonders, because I am here to help. Starting next week, StarterNoise and I will be embarking on a weekly crusade to fix your mess of a life, one question at a time. Buckle up, because this isn’t Dear Abby.
The Book of James will be your one-stop-shop to navigating your young professional years in a way befitting a halfway competent adult. Ever wondered how to nail a job interview when you smell like strawberry daiquiris and feel like pond scum? I got you. Considering wearing your old sorority tank top on Casual Friday? Let’s talk. Did your company just hire your last Tinder adventure? I have opinions.
You might ask what exactly qualifies me to hand down advice from on high. I have no formal education in matters of decorum, nor do I consider myself especially sage in any way. However, I have been in more uncomfortable positions than an arthritic octogenarian attempting the Karma Sutra, and I’ve lived to tell the tales. If I can do it, anybody can.
So let’s do this thing. Submit your questions now on Twitter to @StarterNoise using #BookofJames, or email them using the Contact Us feature.
James Stuart is a failed astronomer, paleontologist, and amateur beekeeper turned writer. Once described as “enervating, but fun,” his interests are varied – including things, stuff, places, and events. He is on a lifelong pursuit to know as much as possible about everything, and will ensure you always have something interesting to talk about at the bar.